[Yep. Same one as last year.]
Like A Charlie Brown Christmas, some things merit an annual rerun. Thus I offer this posting from November 14, 2008
with tips and recommendations for doing your boss's holiday cards. I
have also added a few viewer comments that you might find helpful.
Do
you hear that? It sounds a little like a whale's mating call but with
more sniffling. That's the sound of Mom X and Dad X crying because of
what I'm about to write.
My
parents did their darnedest. They made sure my education was top
notch. They moved to good school districts. They sent me to accelerated
programs, SAT prep classes and the second best college in Chicago.
They spent many nights helping me with math homework (until I got to
Algebra 2, at which point they were useless). Heck, when my fifth grade
class had a balsa wood bridge building contest, Dad X gave me book on
roof trusses so I could learn about structural engineering. (FYI -- The
bridge held 70 pounds and I came in second place).
But
after all that education and preparation for the real world, reading
volumes of books on urban development, German history and the Nixon
administration, I've been reduced to to this tedious but critical skill
in Hollywood -- mailing Christmas cards.
Trust
me, I'm as sick about it as you. A couple years ago I worked for
someone who mailed cards to 1,400 people. That's like sending a card to
one out of four people in
Wasilla, Alaska. It was a trying moment in my Hollywood "career." But like death, taxes and a new
SAW movie every Halloween, Christmas cards are an unavoidable task for a Hollywood assistant.
Following
are tips on ways to make this dark period of your life go by as
quickly as possible. So turn on some music, relax, pour some whiskey in
your coffee and dive in. It'll be over before you know it...
- DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES USE MICROSOFT WORD
AND SIMPLY TYPE UP EACH ADDRESS ON AN INDIVIDUAL LABEL. THIS WILL LEAD
TO DISASTER BECAUSE YOU CAN'T SORT, ALPHABETIZE OR CROSS-REFERENCE
ANYTHING. USE A DATABASE OR MICROSOFT EXCEL AND THEN DO A MAIL MERGE.
Use each field in the database for one item only
(e.g., first name, city, zip). Do not combine the recipient's first
name and last name into one data field (e.g., "Elisabeth" and "Hasselbeck" versus "Elisabeth Hasselbeck").
- Make sure your mailing labels are big enough
for all the address information. Avery 5260s (the ones your office is
most likely to have) are usually good for four lines of information. So
after putting in the person's name, title, company and street address,
your label is full. Consider eliminating or consolidating non-critical
information or getting different labels.
Don't lick each envelope.
Instead, use a glue stick. This will prevent your tongue, breath and
salivary glands from revolting against you. Before you seal the
envelopes, make sure to cover your work area with paper (I prefer a thin
cardboard). This will prevent your desk from getting covered with
glue.
- Use moisturizer. I know it sounds like that speech about using sunscreen,
but I'm very serious. After handling a few hundred envelopes your
finger tips dry up and are less likely to protect yourself from very
painful paper cuts.
- Show your boss a sample before you assemble all of them. Hollywood executives are a finicky bunch, so it's best to make sure they know exactly what it's gonna look like. Otherwise you'll end up doing this twice.
- CAA moved to 2000 Avenue of the Stars a couple years ago. If anyone still has them at 9830 Wilshire, please update their contacts.
Now let us never speak of this posting again. My college diploma is laughing at me.
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Following are some user comments from 2008, 2009 and 2010 you might find helpful.
