Mom X ventures into show business

Jealous of the Hollywood success her son has achieved, Mom X is embarking on a career in entertainment.  But rather than going for the fame and fortune of being an anonymous blogger, Mom X went straight to basic cable with a starring role in VH1 What Chili Wants.  

What Chili Wants stars Rozonda "Chili" Thomas, one-third of the group TLC (not the dead one or the one you can't remember), as she dates a steady stream of douchebags while dining at Miami's best third-tier restaurants.  But like every good TV show, there's a twist.  Every one of Chili's dates is monitored by a Jewish mother, played dutifully by Mom X.  As each of Chili's date winds down, Mom X walks up to their table and evaluates the couple's evening and their overall compatibility.  It is only with Mom X's approval are the two allowed to see each other again.  It's a combination of Candid Camera, Blind Date and Fiddler on the Roof.

In this episode, Mom X appears to be innocently protecting herself against an aggressive saganaki appetizer at Miami's only Greek restaurant.  But 'tis not the case.  The eavesdropper has heard every word from one of Chili's suitors.  Unimpressed by Ramon's attempt to get into Chili's Grammy Award-winning pants by saying "Your eyes shine like the hood of my newly-waxed '78 Pontiac Firebird.  Wanna go see it?" and later "Your skin is as smooth as the naugahyde in the back seat of my '78 Pontiac Firebird.  Wanna go see it?" Mom X puts the kibosh on the date.

Sorry Chili.  He's meshuggina not a mensch.  A chazer bleibt a chazer.

Mom X (with napkin tucked into shirt) from Episode 203 of What Chili Wants