Larry King Tuesday

Larry King's early publicity shot

Larry King is off the air, but my impersonation of him continues...

• Charlie Sheen needs a publicist. I'm quite adept at PR and need a job.  Is this a match?

• I recently applied for a job.  When they turned me down, they said they went with an unpaid college intern instead.  Always love to hear that.

• The White House party crashing couple Michaele and Tareq Salahi found another party to crash this past weekend -- my birthday.  And they brought a camera crew, release documents (I refused to sign), her stripper shoes, her enormous feet, a bad weave and fake paparazzi with them.  Luckily there was beer.  Sorry, no photos.

• I sometimes write things on my blog that I've also posted on my Twitter account.  Why?  Why not.

• Nikki Finke suing Sharon Waxman for poaching Deadline's scoops and re-running them is...well..something The Darling knows when she sees it.

• If Miami gets Mike Bibby, that would be great.  Now if they can get Troy Murphy for some rebounding help that would be even better

• Just started a temp gig.  The instruction manual for the job is 19 pages.  That's a minor improvement over the old manual which was 200 pages.  Sadly, none of this is a joke.

• At some point the earth will collide with the sun.  When that day comes, I wonder what KCAL's TV news anchor will say at the end of the last broadcast.  I'm guessing something like, "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for...God, my balls are so itchy today.  Must be the lack of humidity."

• Charlie Sheen goes wacko on cocaine and everyone shits their pants.  James Franco smokes everything this side of Eastern Kentucky before hosting the The Oscars and no one cares.  Moral of the story: Do drugs and you'll be an overpaid actor.