Rex will not be on your TV for long

Temp X recently went to Las Vegas for a weekend of fun and frivolity.  I did not gamble, but I did make $15 dollars along the way.  Now I will tell you how.

Before any show goes on the tube (or flat screen or whatever you're watching it on these days) it goes through a series of focus groups.  This is where networks pay to find out what people outside the Hollywood bubble think of their show.  On my recent trip I was one of these people.  The show was the NBC pilot REX IS NOT YOUR LAWYER.

Trust me.  It's a really big sign.

To be fair, no one is supposed to know it's an NBC program.  But I was tipped off by the series of 20-foot high posters promoting shows like 30 Rock, Law and Order and Biggest Loser guarding the entrance.  So after telling them I don't work for a network (I don't) or an ad agency (nope), I was ushered into a room that was so distinctly Vegas.  For it was a meeting room in the Excalibur that looked like the inside of a German Beer Hall.  But instead of mammoth steins of beer awaiting me, each seat had a computer.  It is here those like me would watch a lengthy tutorial on holding down the Green Button if we liked what happened or the Red Button if we didn't.  They also asked questions like "What shows do you watch?" and "How much money do you make?"  After about 15 minutes of interminable questions, the show began.  I only wish it hadn't.

REX IS NOT YOUR LAWYER is a show about a hard-charging attorney who suffers from paralyzing panic attacks.  His doctor tells him he better stop practicing before these attacks kill him.  But rather than quit lawyering, Rex decides to use his legal skills to help those who choose to defend themselves.  It's basically Cyrano de Bergerac as a lawyer.  And frankly, it's as shitty as it sounds.

The show stars David Tennant as Rex, the aforementioned angst-filled barrister, Jeffrey Tambor as his psychiatrist, Jane Curtin as his mom and Jerry O'Connell as his soon-to-be ex friend.  It's basically a cast filled with second-choice talent to complement the second-rate idea.

I slogged through the show depressing the Red Button probably with 10 times the frequency of the my activity on the Green Button.  When the show got to the point of unwatchability, I took advantage of what I call the "nuclear option" -- that is hitting the Space Bar indicating when I would have changed the channel.  For the record I think I waited about 12 minutes to do that.

At the end of the show, they asked even more market research questions about viewing habits, rating characters on a scale of 1-10, etc.  But the fun part was the essay portion where I just got to tell them what exactly I liked or didn't like about the show.  Following are my answers to those questions.

WHY DID YOU RATE THE PROGRAM AS POOR?

There are only two decent actors on the show -- Jeffrey Tambor and the ex-fiancee (I don't know her name).  The main character is an odd combination of a young Martin Sheen and Jim Carrey and frankly it's just really distracting.  His female assistant doesn't have a well-defined role.  She' just sort of eye candy.  And Mabel couldn't look more like Aretha Franklin if she tried.  But the biggest problem goes beyond the casting, the basic premise is just kinda dopey.  I don't have any attachment to Rex.  I don't find myself rooting for him.  And I don't really understand his motivations -- including why he remains friends with Jerry O'Connell (who begins dating Rex's ex-fiancee).

PLEASE TELL US WHY YOU CHOSE TO TURN OFF THE PROGRAM WHEN YOU DID.

It was boring.  The product placements for Apple (at least 5) and the Westin (at least 2) were too noticeable and distracting.  There were one too many coincidences (therapist dating the mother, best friend dating ex-fiancee), plus Rex's constant over acting and prancing around seemed inconsistent with the type of character he was.  High-powered lawyers aren't the type of people who (at least stereotypically) prance around and decided to lay in the swimming pool in a $1000 suit.  It's almost like they decided to see how absurd they could make the character.  In Ally McBeal the writers and directors got the joke.  Not the same thing here.

As you can tell, I gave it a POOR rating.  I was in no way influenced by the guy in front of me who also gave it a POOR.

The irony of the whole thing is I drove six hours (stupid traffic) to do what I wanted to do here -- help networks develop shows.  To add insult to injury, I made more there for an hour's work than I do here.  Time to move.