Hollywood Dictionary: Volume 8

Ockham's Razor - a principle attributed to the Franciscan friar William of Ockham - states that "the simplest explanation of two competing theories is usually the correct one." In Hollywood, it's the opposite. The simplest explanation "is usually really convoluted and completely nonsensical. But that's what happens when a bunch of cocaine-addled executives attempt to act like Noah Webster."

And with that, I bring to you the newest entries to the Hollywood Dictionary.


Mixer -- Hollywood is all about networking. To achieve great heights in this industry, you better get yourself connected to as many people as possible. Important executives do this at award shows, premieres or at rehab. Since the rest of us don't get invited to or remanded to these, we have to mingle where we can. So we go to mixers. Mixers are cheap liquor-soaked events where assistants congregate, bitch about their bosses and network with other people who have no power whatsoever. Occasionally a recently promoted assistant will attend such functions. They are easy to spot because throngs of people sucking up to him/her.


Other Side of the Hill -- In New York City, they call them the "Bridge and Tunnel people." In Chicago, you're referred to as a "708er." The snobs from every major city have derogatory terms for people the hicks from the suburbs. In Hollywood, it's no different -- and that term is "Other side of the Hill" to refer to people who live in the San Fernando Valley. You might hear in the sentence "No, she hasn't hit it big yet. She still lives on the Other side of The Hill." [Note: This is not to be confused with "Over the Hill" which simply means you're too old to work in Hollywood. That age is currently 27. ]


Drive On -- While this sounds like something your boss might do TO YOU with his new Porsche Cayenne to test out the all-time 4WD, it's really just a permission slip to get on to a studio lot. For those of you who can't afford cars (which is pretty much every assistant), you'll get something called a "Walk On."