Happy Birthday Temp X. Where are my gifts?

And you run and you run to catch up with the sun, but its sinking
And racing around to come up behind you again
The sun is the same in the relative way, but you're older
Shorter of breath and one day closer to death

--Pink Floyd
"Time"

It's the most important day of the year. My Birthday. And as I hurtle toward my midlife crisis like a Metallica tour bus in Sweden, I'm oh so conscious of how little I've accomplished. I'm [age redacted], single, a part-time temp, I have a dog that ignores me and rent is due.

However not all is gloomy in Birthdayville. Not by a long shot. I've had a number of pitch meetings in recent days, blog readership is surging and Quiznos is giving out free subs. But what I like best about birthdays is I'm supposed to get everything I ask for. I'm not asking for much. I just want the following...

Megan Fox -- You're single. So am I. Wanna play Wii Tennis?

President Obama -- Fix the economy by noon today.

SAG -- Stop being morons and sign the deal.

NBC -- Confirm that tonight's episode of Knight Rider (dammit, just found out it moved to March 4) is the series finale, not just the season finale. Oh, and on the subject of NBC...

Jay Leno -- Go away. You promised. And take Silverman with you.

[Development Executive name redacted] -- Get to work at a reasonable time and get over yourself.

My Pimps -- Call me with a job. And for once, make it a long-term assignment.

California EDD -- Re-start my unemployment that you randomly canceled.

ABC -- Either stop the "Are you lost on Lost?" campaign or make the program easier to understand. Knowingly confusing your audience can't help ratings.

WBTV -- Buy the show I pitched you. You know it's a good idea. So quit dragging your feet. Heck, it can't be any worse than the Pussycat Dolls Present: The Search for the Next Doll. And you ran two seasons of that.

"Sasha Fierce" (my 2002 Honda Civic ) -- Stop making that random squeaking. It's almost to the point where the radio can't drown out the noise.

You -- Please continue to read my blog. Please tell your friends. Oh, and if you have any Stupid Interview Questions, pass them along. I'm running low. [For Extra Credit: Get me a book deal.]