NBC's programming threatens mankind

Temps know nothing. How do I know this? I've been told this countless times. So clearly when I originally wrote this on December 9, 2008 I was just demonstrating my naivete about show business. Or perhaps I was exceedingly drunk. Turns out NBC didn't really want to destroy the world after all. Just their network. Mission: Accomplished! [Tip to Jeff Zucker: Read my blog. I'm not as dumb as I look.]


Maybe I'm paranoid. Perhaps I've seen too many Roger Corman movies. But I have a sneaking suspicion NBC is run by aliens intent on destroying the world.

I'm sure you're thinking, "Has Temp X sniffed too many toner cartridges?" or "Did a flying stapler finally collide with our hero's noggin?"

Nope. This is real. I'm sure of it.

How do I know this? NBC announced yesterday they will move Jay Leno's show (which will still be filmed in he Tonight Show studio, will likely use much of the Tonight Show staff but will not be called the Tonight Show) to 10 p.m. Monday - Friday.

Alright, now you're thinking, "But programming decisions that front run your own shows doesn't mean NBC is run by aliens. It just means they're morons."

That's just what they want you to think. Think of it as an intergalactic Rope-a-Dope. Here's why.

A pinch more than a year ago, NBC expanded the Today show so that the gabfest runs from 7 a.m. - 11 a.m. And when you factor in NBC's Early Today at 4:30 a.m., two hours of Today in LA (or whatever city you live in) and the Today show -- you've got 6.5 hours of Today-ish programming.

Then add in NBC's 3.5 hours of late night programming - The Tonight Show, Late Night with Conan O'Brien (which is repeated 3:30 a.m.) and Last Call with Carson Daly and you already have 10 hours of Today- and Tonight-related programs.

With yesterday's decision to put Leno at 10 p.m. and plugging in the Jimmy Fallon "show," NBC is cleverly backing their late night programming into their morning programming. This will result in a complete elimination of mid-day (where they lose to ABC) and prime-time (where they lose to CBS).

But it gets worse. At this rate, NBC's morning and late-night fare will ultimately overlap, creating a region of space in which the gravitational field is so powerful that nothing, not even electromagnetic radiation, can escape its pull after having fallen past its event horizon. Yep. NBC will have created a Black Hole.

No don't try to sway me otherwise. I saw Back to the Future. I know about the spacetime continuum. I watch Lost religiously and saw the island disappear.

Maybe the Mayans were right. We're screwed.