It's a Wonderful Life?

Somewhere between America's Next Best Televised Dance Competition and game shows where contestants are expected to be dumber than 11 year olds , we lost contact with the mother-of -all schedule fillers -- the clip show.

For those unfamiliar, a clip show is where a TV show's producers take the week off and let an intern pick their favorite scenes from past episodes. Then, with clever editing and all the subtlety of packing ice around a keg of Bud Light, they shove in a vague story and call it a show.

Clip shows on a network are like breast implants on a stripper -- the return on investment is high, the parts cost basically nothing and you can watch them for hours...errr...skip that last comment. Heck, if it worked for Friends five times,* then why not try it.

I offer you the Hollywood Temp Diaries clip show in an episode I'll call "It's a Wonderful Life?"

*The One with the Invitations, The One with the Vows, The One with Joey's Interview, The One with Christmas in Tulsa and The One Where Chandler Gets Caught.

From "Potty Break"

"I think I have irritable bowel syndrome." This is never something you want to hear on a job. But this is life as a temp in Hollywood. Let's start from the beginning.

From "No Gig -- Gig -- No Gig"

...people don't refer to you by name, but simply as "Temp" (because it has fewer syllables than my name) or "My Temp" (as if you're their property) or worse "The Temp" (because no one wants to lay claim to you).

From "Zen and the Art of Photocopier Maintenance"

I was in my moment of "Stuckness," and for a moment, I became a non-believer. Then the Xerox 914 started working again, and I forgot what I was thinking about.

From "Getting to know your 'Hollywood Friends'"

# 17. Who do you think could pick programming better -- Ben Silverman or a trained Chicken?

From "The Wind Up and The Pitch -- A Mad Lib"

The Judd Apatow -- It's a movie about two (socially acceptable drug) addicts. One night they're watching TV, waiting for (TV show stoners like) to come on, when the news breaks in and reports a major drug bust at their supplier's (term for run-down residence). At the exact same moment, they realize they're out of (socially acceptable drug). The two spend the rest of the movie trying to find a new supplier. Hijinks ensue. It'll star Jonah Hill and Seth Rogen.

From "Remake Tuesday"

In a town where "remakes" are as common as Pinkberry imitators or child actors named Dakota, it's only fitting that Temp X offer up a remake too. So today I offer you a remake of yesterday's posting.

From "Breaking News -- I was right!"

As you may remember from yesterday's posting, I said ABC looks to be fishing through the garbage dump of cinema past for TV shows (Witches of Eastwick). Well apparently Steve McPherson -- the head of ABC -- was looking over my shoulder. The following is from "The Hollywood Reporter":

ABC is bringing the Jennifer Lopez starrer "Maid in Manhattan" to the small screen.

From "ISO -- A message board with useful info"

NextGenFemmes -- There are two truths of Catholic School: 1) if you step out of line, a Nun is gonna smack you, and 2) in return for following the rules, you get a quality product. That's what this site is like.

From "An Evening with George Plimpton"

Well, to make a long story short, I worked a half day, and was so high on fumes from the mimeograph machine that I passed out and knocked my head on the desk. So all I had to show for my day was a bulbous knot on my forehead and a slightly aggravated migraine. Which I suppose is exactly what every other assistant feels as well.

From "Because Blogging is Cheaper than Therapy"

I realized I could leave Hollywood today and the only proof I'd have I was ever here is a $132 ticket for jay walking in Burbank...