Getting discovered the 'Hard' way (that's a pun, you'll get the joke in a minute)

I fondly recall the last moments of moving here. I was brimming with so much satisfaction and excitement that I was completely oblivious to the horrific traffic. I was in HOLLYWOOD and was FINALLY gonna do something I cared about. But I knew to succeed I'd have to try things outside my comfort zone.

So I went to networking functions. I joined writers groups. I made videos and put them on YouTube. I sucked up to people I barely knew and told them, "You look great. Have you lost weight?" I even took an unpaid job as a part-time agent's assistant. Anything to get my break. And then there was the time I did stand up comedy at a nudist camp...

To make a long story short, my friend (a talent agent) booked his client to headline comedy night at the annual gathering of California Men Enjoying Naturism (CMEN). Of course the headliner needed an undercard. After a few beers and a few jokes, my friend insisted that I take part. I said NO with conviction that makes Nikita Krushchev's shoe-banging performance at the U.N. seem like John Kerry's "I voted FOR it before I voted AGAINST it" routine.

After a few more beers and a few more jokes, I agreed.

But what to say to a room of naked men? "Nice Hat?" "Take my wife, please?" Well, for my one and only stand up routine, I did the only thing I knew how -- be the rude, acerbic asshole I've always been. Here are some of the highlights:

Is everyone having a good time tonight?

(POINT AT ONE GUY'S CROTCH)

I can see you are sir. Perhaps too good. Might I suggest thinking about Rosie O'Donnell. That works whether you're gay or straight.

(POINT AT ANOTHER GUY)

Ma'am. How about you? Oh. Whoops. Sorry about that. Anyway, it's great to be here at NAMBLA 2007....

Not a fan of that one? Neither were they. But I continued.

Nudists get a bad rap. You hold down real jobs. You eat just like the rest of us. You sleep just like the rest of us. You play naked volleyball just like...errr...scratch that last one.

Now let me ask you a question. When you play sports, I’m guessing the whole shirts and skins idea is kinda out the window. So do you play cut versus uncut? No, that won’t work. Jews are no good at sports.

It went on from there. Did my material suck? Yeah. Was I glad I did it? Sure. It makes for a great story and helped me practice writing and performing. Would I do it again? Once you've worked one room of naked men, you've worked them all.

And for those who think I made this whole thing up...


Got a story about absurd things you've done to get noticed or hone your craft? Send them to TempX@tempdiaries.com.