The unanimous Declaration of the Hollywood Temps of the United States of America,
When in the course of Hollywood Events, it becomes necessary for one People of hourly rates to dissolve the Bands which have connected them with their unrepentant overlords, and to assume among the Powers of the Earth (mostly Television and Movies, but sometimes Guitar Hero) the separate and equal Station to which the Laws of Nature (not to be confused with "Laws of Attraction" with Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Moore) and of Nature’s God (or Oprah) entitle them, a decent Respect to the Opinions of Mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the Separation. (Yeah, this is a very fancy "Dear John" letter. We're breaking up!)
We hold these Truths to be self-evident, that all Men and Women are created equal (that means you can't throw telephones at them), that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. Oh and we'd also like a decent salary, paid vacation, a 401k, intellectually stimulating work, a promotion, health insurance and reasonable hours.
Well, you get the point. If you need us, we'll be in the copy room making 75,000 of these things (we're experts at this, as you know) and then we're gonna pass them out at the only places temps and assistants can afford -- Soup Plantation. So savor your Venti Extra Skinny Mocha Frappuccino that your assistant got for you because you were "busy." It'll be your last.
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet.
Signed by ORDER and in BEHALF OF THE TEMPS AND ASSISTANTS OF HOLLYWOOD
TEMP X,
PRESIDENT.
ATTEST.
DOG X,
SECRETARY.
1 comment:
I'd sign this.
Post a Comment